The Compass: All in the Family (part 3)
The Compass
Charting the Course for Church Growth
All in the Family
Getting Through when the Line is Busy
Ephesians 4:18-32
Day 1
Ephesians 4:18-31 (KNJV) “…having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another. ‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.’
What does it mean to communicate with someone? Too often the problem with our communication lies in the fact that we do not understand what it means to communicate. We have come to believe that as long as we are sharing information with one another, then we must be communicating; however, communication does not occur until the one we are communicating to receives the information. That is, communication is not the giving of information, but it is the reception of information.
The Principle: Many families have excellent information distribution, but there is no real communication.
Think about the Principle: Communication comes in various forms: the spoken word, the written word, non-verbal communication such as gestures and tone of voice. As you prepare for this week, think about how you communicate most: do you convey your thoughts by the written word, by the spoken word, by how you speak, by gestures, by how you look at people? Write some thoughts on how you can improve your communication skills.
Day 2
How do we get through when the line is busy?
We get through by being Truthful.
Ephesians 4:25 “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another.”
Psychologists have determined that there are, basically, two types of people in the world: those who live by the philosophy of “truth at any cost”; that is, to these people absolute truth is the absolute bottom line. The second group lives by the philosophy of “peace at any cost.” That is, they live with the idea that what matters most is that we all get along and are happy. If we have to “compromise” a little on the truth, that’s not a problem because peace is a higher commodity than truth. Though most Christian people would dismiss the notion of the second group, it is amazing how many Christian homes are built on that ideology: I will tell you what you want to hear, whether it is truthful or not. Anything to keep the peace in the home.
Paul, in this passage, urges believers to reject the notion that truth is debatable. He tells the believers in Ephesus to put away lying and “let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor.” This needs to be the prevalent philosophy in our homes, as well. Let each speak truth with his family.
The Principle: If families are to communicate well, there must be the absolute assurance that we are speaking truthfully with one another.
Think about the Principle: Most parents would indicate that one of the worst problems they face is a lying child. Children must have reinforced for them on a regular basis the need to be truthful. Ask yourself this question: do my children learn from me how to be honest or how to just “keep peace”? How might you improve the degree of truth-telling in your home by your example?
Apply the Principle: Read Leviticus 19:11, Colossians 3:9 and Ephesians 4:29. What do those passages tell us about the need to be truthful with one another?
Day 3
We get through by being Temperate
Ephesians 4:26 “‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”
In our fast paced families it is very easy for families to lose sight of this truth. With our busy schedules, it is easier to forget about a conflict than it is to deal with the conflict and end the day with unity in the home. When we allow angry situations to go on for extended periods of time without adequately dealing with them, we allow for anger to turn into bitterness, and bitterness turns to resentment and resentment leads to a failed marriage.
The three most common types of anger that destroy a home can best be summarized in these categories: There is Inward Anger – anger that is expressed by “Clamming Up”. When we refuse to talk through a situation. There is Outward Anger – anger that is expressed by “Blowing Up”. When we allow our emotions to run away with us and we say or do something that we would never do under normal circumstances. And there is Downward Anger – anger that is expressed by “Giving Up”. When we get so angry and frustrated that we convince ourselves that there is no hope left and give up on the marriage, on the children or even on life itself.
Think about each of those “categories” of anger and write some thoughts on why each can be dangerous or even deadly for communication in a family:
Inward Anger – Clamming Up:
Outward Anger – Blowing Up:
Downward Anger – Giving Up:
The Principle: When we allow our anger to control us, we allow the Devil to sit on the throne of our lives and our ability to communicate is destroyed.
Think about the Principle: Read Ephesians 4:26 again. Why is this principle so helpful in communicating within our families?
Day 4
We get through by being Tenderhearted.
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Pay close attention to the phrase “that it may impart grace to the hearers.” When we allow ourselves to be tenderhearted, we are saying that we are willing to put ourselves in the place of the one to whom we are speaking, thinking about how they will receive the words we are saying. If Christian people would spend more time thinking about, not just what we say, but how we say it, what message our body language sends and what other non-verbal communication we are sending, we would see better communication, not just a sharing of information.
Read the following passages and ask yourself how your communication reflects these passages:
Ephesians 4:29, Psalm 19:14
The Principle: There is no way to destroy lines of communication more than when we fail to speak to one another in a way that would be acceptable in the sight of God, our strength and our Redeemer.
Think about the Principle: Why do think it is that how we say things and what our body language indicates is such a problem in conveying what we want to communicate? How can we do a better job of being tenderhearted in our communication within our families? How might this effect your speech?
Apply the Principle: End today with a prayer of consecration for your life and your communication. Ask the Lord to guide your thoughts and your words as you communicate with those in your family. Commit yourself to follow Biblical principles in your speech and in your communication with others.
Day 5
Ephesians 4:18-31 (KNJV) “…having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another. ‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Dealing with our communication skills is a difficult task. Businesses hire specialists to do seminars on this very topic because so many struggle with it. Think about the Biblical mandate that we do all things in word and deed to the glory of the Lord Jesus. How can that simple thought effect how we communicate with those around us?
Close out this week by writing a prayer of dedication asking the Lord to guide every word and every thought, that it would be acceptable in His sight. Commit yourself in the upcoming weeks to honor the Lord through your words, through your actions and through every means of communicating with others.
Lord Jesus, we admit that we struggle with our communication. We understand that we have an obligation to do all things in a manner that is pleasing to you. Help us to have a greater understanding of how our own communication effects those around us.